In all its glory...the Popeye's 3+2 piece double meal deluxe

Where the hell have you been?  Under a rock?  You didn't know that Popeye's had a special where if you purchase a 3 piece meal combo, they slam you with a 2 piece johnny for free?  You are an ass.

Good.  Now that you are "on the winning team!" as they say, I can tell you about the whole thing.  I finished my classes today, had a slammin' good few hours to kill, and I had fried-ass chicken on my mind.  What a way to beat the living shit out of my appetite, I thought to myself.  I hopped on the university shuttle and found myself in the heart of a handsome area we Philadelphian's like to call William Penn's Toilet...or center city to your slack jawed tourists.  A quick two step down Market street, and before I know it I'm at the area's premiere shopping destination, The Gallery: home to many a hood rat and greasy pizza faced teenager.  Fortunately, I fit in rather well with this crowd, so I had no problem keeping my chin up high while riding down the golden escalator to hell...erm food court.

What a world it is down there!  I'd call it a dungeon, but I'd hate to offend any warlocks living in mom's basement reading this.  Where else can you enjoy the combined scent of a SubWay, a subway, Indian food, and airbrush chemicals?  Oh and there's usually a Michal Jackson impersonator dancing to "Beat It," and by MJ impersonator I mean half clothed homeless person, and by dancing to "Beat It" I mean conducting an act similar to the title of the song in a urine soaked corner.  What a show!

So anyways I get to the Popeye's pretty "Louisiana" fast (pun nintendo'd) and see the beaming sign with my special on it.  "Buy any 3 piece meal and get a 2 piece meal FOR FREE! NO CATCH!"  And check this hot pile of shit out...you get TWO sides and TWO biscuits with your order!  No more fighting between your morbidly obese children, they both can pick french fries!  I get in line and try and hide the fact that my stomach totally has a little half chub going on.  My girl at the register spits her game like that micro machines guy before I even look at her, something along the lines of "Hiwelcometopopeyescanitakeyourorder"  Being fluent in hood rat, I completely understood and ordered like the fine gentleman that I am.  But here was the kicker.  After telling her how it was about to go down, she nails me with a "Spossamal?"  It then went a little like this:

"Spossamal?"

"Spossamal?"

 

Even though I had no idea what this penny-piece bish was talkum bout, my clueless, jubilant OOKAAAAYYYYE! was good enough for her.  She understood my polite request for mashed potatoes, with f*cking RAGIN' CAJUN RAGE GRAVY I might add, and maw-maw's mackin' cheese.  What seemed like an eternity later, I finally got my food sack with two wonderful boxes of joy inside.  I sat down in their restaurant (lol!) which felt more like a doctor's office waiting room, except this doctor likes to throw feces at at the walls.  It was cozy to say the least.  Upon further inspection of my receipt, I discovered that my response to the "Spossamal?" quitty dealt me one meal  done in the Spicy fashion, and another in it's pink lace wearing sissy counterpart, the mild type.  Oh well, you win some and you lose some unless you are that shit-hat Charlie Sheen.

I tore into the 3 piece spicy and was enjoying it.  The spice was not overwhelming and offered a nice touch.  I mean I can't say that the spice had balls, but it was present like the stench of urine coming from around the corner.  All was good with the drum stick and the wing; very crispy and crunchy breading (can't wait for the day when they sell deep fried balls of breading) and tender, moist chicken.  Like being hit by a wheel-barrow (preferrably a Yard King) full of bricks falling off of a 12 story building, I was slammed with a problem.  Grease-town usa was alive and kicking all over my breast.  I mean, the Philly Glutton is no stranger to grease, but when your breading is like soggy corn flakes, it's not a good time.  I ended up peeling most of the crap off and just eating the delicious protein underneath.  Fortunately, the mashed po-tatas redeemed some of the mess, but the ship was already sinking.  Even the iced sweet tea couldn't help, as I Like most people enjoy more than a few ice cubes in my room temperature iced tea.

I didn't have high expectations for Popeye's, but I won't say that I found myself disappointed; the review title probably would have made liberal use of Poopeye's had that been the case.  I saved the 2 piece box and my mac-n-cheese for a late night snack.  Although I may like a woman with a fat, greasy breast, the Popeye's version killed my food boner.  They get a 3.0000/5 not for their effort, but for their hood rats.

tl;dr

+Crunchy N Delicious!~!~!~!

+Tas-tee sides!

+Entertaining cashiers!

-May enter Greasetown, USA

-Good luck ordering

=Just under $10 with a bev

?William Penn's Toilet

Papa John's - Pineapple Extra Large Pizza...wait SERIOUSLY?!

Yes, yes, I am just as shocked as you are. The Glutton is reviewing Papa John's?!?! I didn't see this one coming. Back-story time.

So I've had a rather bothersome craving for pizza lately. It started when a coworker offered me some Combos early in the week. I accepted them since it had been quite some time since I enjoyed a hearty serving of pizza Combos. Boy oh boy did those few chews get my pizza drive boiling. I enjoyed the helping so vigorously that I went to the local convenience store (they call 'em 7-11's in these parts o towne, boy) and purchased two, yes TWO large bags of pizza Combos.

That was a good call, a very good call I must say. But it only teased my pizza craving like a pissed off lion being poked with pointy a stick. And the lion has rabies. I urged my coworkers to go out for lunch today and get pizza. It was a success and the pizza place they chose was alright but it wasn't necessarily my cup o tea, or slice of pizza to be exact. I thought it took care of my craving...

But it didn't. So I found myself alone in my apartment, hungry, ready to eat a pizza like a horse. So what did a fool like me do? Look up the closest pizza joint, and that joint was the house of the Papa, or Pep-pep as I like to call him. Would I really order a pizza from a cookie cutter place? You're f**king right I would. You try dealing with my hunger, it's like a pregnant woman caged up in a chocolate factory.

I procured a coupon from the local internet coupon dealer and found myself choosing a topping for an extra large pizza. The price was $10.99 and oh so right. I have had very little experience with good ol' Pep-pep over the years since the last time I sampled his wares was probably in elementary school. I quickly placed my online order, laced up my Tims and raced down a dark alley.

The transaction was quick and simple...rather bittersweet, I know. I signed the credit card slip, she gave me the goods. I got home rather quickly; let's just say my ankles are still throbbing from galloping in these boots. Let's open the door and see what shes like.

Well, I'm surprised. I was prepared to get out a Snuggie(TM) and mop up all the grease on the top, but no grease! I was ready to see wilted and depressed pineapple slices, but only smiles and laughter! I was not prepared, however, to have the Papa stare at me from the comfort of his own pizza box whilst I ingested his creation. Shame on you, you dirty, dirty man.

The first bite? Awesome! The second bite? Radical! The last bite? Fugazy man, just fugazy. That slice along with the other four or 5 I ate were awesome! I never thought I'd be saying this, but Papa, keep up the good work. I was expecting a deep fried crap pizza a-la Pizza (the) Hutt or Domin(ate your stomach)os, and I was pleasantly surprised. The cheese was not exceptionally salty like alot of these places are, the sauce was a little sweet (I opted for extra sawz by the way), and the crust was EXCEPTIONAL!

Let me tell you about this crust. The underside was rather typical for college pizza joints, so no points taken off there. But the ass end of the slice...mmm boy. It was extremely flaky and crispy on the outside, and oh so soft and light on the inside. Delicious.

I am still shocked by the spine ripping attitude of this pizza. Maybe I caught Papa on his best day. Maybe my pizza craving is doing the typing now. Or maybe it really is better ingredients, better pizza, Papa Johns. I salute you good sir; this one's 4 you. 4.0/5

A++ PIZZA WOULD BUY AGAIN!~!~!~!

tl;dr
-Top gnotch crust! (the extra g is for GOOOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!)
-Not exceptionally greasy
-GREAT for a fast food pizza chain
-$10.99, comparable with other places although that price was with a coupon.
-Standard prices kind-of suck
-Why was there a random whole banana pepper and tub of garlic sauce in my box?

D.P. Dough - Buffer Zone

So this new calzone joint opened up on 40th st. between Market and Chestnut. They've been standing outside, desperately handing out menus for the past week. The appearance of the place was quite fashionable, but could their food be just as satisfying?

I got one of those desperately handed out menus the other day on my way back from work. Although menus are great, I would have appreciated some free samples as I walked by. When I walked by the second time, I saw the same woman chasing people down to give them menus, so I promptly crossed the street to avoid any confrontation. In my opinion, people will come on their own and by word of mouth as long as the food is good. Their dedicated attempts to shove menus down peoples throats were rather entertaining but also quite pathetic.

In a last minute decision, my cohorts and I decided to make the short trek to D.P. Dough. As you kind folks know, I am a buffalo chicken kind of guy so I knew I wanted to try their Buffer Zone (mozzarella, bleu cheese, chicken, and hot sauce). Oh, in case you didn't know, they have all kinds of wacky and clever names for their (cal)zones such as combat, drop, and target. We were instantly greeted by the two young ladies at the counter. The place was empty when we walked in and they seemed thankful that we were there to break the monotony. They were both extremely friendly, bubbly, and entertaining. The order came up to around $8.50 for a zone and a soda.

After we all made our decisions, we sat at the counter and waited about 10 minutes. The one girl brought our sodas which were in cans. I thought for a dollar we'd get something more, but oh well. Two gentlemen walked in and both girls gave them the same treatment we had. Out of nowhere, a 'fake wedding' broke out. Apparently one of the girls was talking to the one guy about a wedding or something and sooner or later I was assigned the task of priest. I was extremely confused, but we were all laughing the whole time. It sounds dumb, but it definitely was one of those 'you had to be there' moments.

The zones came out in their own little boxes. Opening it was like unwrapping a present on Christmas morning. It was perfectly sized for one meal. Marinara sauce was on the side which from my understanding is standard practice for calzones. The crust was exceptionally crispy, but not in a burnt or greasy fried kind of way. The internals of this contraption contained a nice balance of chicken and cheese, although I had difficulty locating the bleu cheese. Surprisingly, the chicken had a nice flavor to it and was succulently tender. The dough was not heavy which was surprising because I've had a lot of calzones that overdid the dough by a factor of 17. The sauce on the side was okay, but tasted a little too manufactured in my opinion.

I think I was expecting something a little different because I've had quite a few greasy, hefty buffalo chicken pizzas in my day. This was not as gluttonous, but it was still good. I'd definitely go back and check out their other options because there were so many on their menu that sounded good. But, for buffalo chicken, I think I will stick to pizzas. The price was a little more than I'd like to spend, but everything is that way nowadays. It was perfectly filling and not too heavy in the gut.

I am pleased to rate this meal an arguable 3 with a definite potential of moving up to a 4. I really wanted some more bleu cheese in my zone and if I got this one again I would specify that. The entertainment from the cashiers was greatly appreciated and I'd go back just for that alone. When it comes down to it though, the food is what matters. I am excited to try some of their other options like the BBQ chicken or Hawaiian zones (they have more interesting names than that). Personally, I think they'd be more suited to the calzone format than the buffalo style. I really wanted to be wowed by my selection but it was adequate.

I look forward to my next trip to D.P. Dough, and an update here will be necessary. Before then, I vow to continue my problem of eating like a horse. I eat because I'm happy, and I'm happy because I eat.

tl;dr
-Excellent crust execution
-Good chicken inside, very little bleu cheese
-So-so marinara sauce
-Nicely filling, $8.50
-Fantastic dining experience
-Very hard call, but 3/5.0 with a great deal of potential for a 4. Next time??

Where'd the glutton go??

To my millions of fans:

Sorry for the lack of updates recently. HAVE NO FEAR; I have still been eating, more than ever now.

Things have been hectic lately with a recent move to a new apartment. I finally have some time off from school and am using it to its fullest (to eat of course). My co-op starts next week, and with that slap in the face from reality I hope to once again begin detailing my wacky food escapades.

Do yourself a favor man...don't stop eating.

Charley Food Inc. - Fried Chicken Meal

I've passed the Charley Food Inc. convenience store quite a bit during my time here at Drexel. I've always wanted to check it out because I fabricated this idea in my mind that they have some killer fried chicken, yet I didn't even know if they actually served food. The good news is that today I found out they serve food...

Before I embarked on my journey to Charley, I decided to do some research online. I found two reviews on yelp.com that provided some insight. Both reviewers mentioned that all the food was Halal, which a Wikipedia search told me it's "food seen as permissible according to Islamic law." Doesn't really pertain to me, but a quick fact nonetheless. It seems that the locals like this place for late night trips for milk, but they said their prices are not competitive with grocery stores; fair enough.

Charley isn't necessarily located in the best area around Drexel's campus, but it's definitely not the worst spot. It is in a section with a lot of houses, many of which I assume are occupied by students. For reference, the Art Museum is only about 5 minutes away when you cross the Spring Garden bridge.

Once I arrived at the destination, I proceeded directly to their food counter in the back. They had a very large menu sign that stretched the width of the store. Most of the food was your standard college fare: chicken fingers, fries, burgers and other fried delicacies. My eyes (and stomach) were set on some fried chicken, so I went with the 3 piece meal that included mashed potatoes and a roll for $5.00. Being the springy young man that I am, I decided to go for the gold (like Michael Phelps) and substitute some fries for the mashed taters. While my food was cooking, I perused their wares and purchased myself a tasty beverage. I couldn't help but notice the atmosphere of Charley; imagine the guts of a 7-11 shoved into the body of a dollar store. Something about it didn't seem exactly right, but the important thing was the food. Oh and they had bongs for sale at the cash register.

BAM! Like a 2x4 to the back of the head, my food was ready. I paid my dues and bolted out of there (not because I didn't like the place...the food just smelled so damn good). I definitely could not wait until I got back to my dorm to eat, I needed to find a bench right away. Just down the street is a new "park" (any patch of grass larger than a street-ball court in the city is considered a park) that Drexel built with a handsome view of Philadelphia. I plopped my lazy ass down and began to eat like a horse.



I had to try some fries first, and boy howdy did they hit the spot. They were those really crunchy (and greasy) fries that have the little flakes of awesome jutting out everywhere. As for the chicken however, I really wasn't that impressed. The three full wings I had gotten were very lightly seasoned and fried to a brownish-red color. I tasted some spices in the breading, but not enough to notice it after the first bite. The chicken was on just a hair passed the median of the moist/dry scale towards the latter. The roll they included was a 6 inch section of a loaf of Italian bread, toasted, cut, and buttered. It was okay; the butter tasted like everything else in the fridge.


I would give this meal a 3/5.0 but only because the fries were so exceptionally delicious and there was a crapload of them. I had really high expectations for the chicken, but I was let down. The roll was an added touch, but the broken butter negated its effectiveness. I will note that the meal was extremely filling. I am still full after 4 good hours.

Next time I am in the market for some fries, I will be going back to Charley to satisfy my craving. But in the meantime, I'll keep singing that song from Barney: "I like to eat, eat, eat....ev-ery-thinggggg...."

tl;dr
-Chicken lacking flavor
-Excellent fries
-Very filling, $5.00
-3/5.0

Happy Star Lunch Truck - Cheesesteak

Well what kind of Philly glutton would I be if my first review wasn't of a cheesesteak? I will start off by saying I am definitely not a cheesesteak connoisseur but I have had quite a few in my 20 years of existence.

Sure the steaks in South Philly may be good, but one thing's for sure: they will beat your wallet silly. And on an empty engineer's stomach, they have left me feeling more than hungry afterwards. Two would probably do the trick, but what do I look like, a bank? That's why when I'm a jonesin' for a loaf of bread filled with delicious chopped steak meat and gooey American cheese, I go pay my girl at the Happy Star a visit.
Located just above Market on 32nd St., the Happy Star lunch truck has been feeding hungry college students since the beginning of time. The kind lady inside offers many cheap eats like hotdogs, breakfast sandwiches, and even salads for you weight watching yuppies. Now I will say that I haven't been to every lunch truck on the block, but something about the Happy Star keeps me coming back. Not only are the workers cordial and efficient, but they look clean. I have memories of going to trucks in high traffic areas only to find the chef looking like Hagrid with sweat stains running down the front of his apron. You LOSE! Good day sir!

For my first meal of the day, I elected to obtain a cheesesteak with fried onions and ketchup. Being particularly hungry, I also opted in for extra meat. The total cost of the meal was $6.00 with a very short wait time of about 5 minutes (times can get long during the lunch hour). I was a little skeptical at first of the $2.00 charge for extra meat since I usually just go with a standard steak unit, but my stomach ushered me to make the commitment.

The second she handed me the bag, I noticed a large difference in weight from the usual meat and cheese sub. This thing was heavy! Fortunately, my dorm is only a few steps away from the Happy Star so I was decimating this thing in minutes.

My suspicions were correct, the meat inside was dominating the cavity cut into the bread. The first bite was magnificent. Sure, the meat may be those frozen paper thin cheesesteak wafers, but damn does my girl make a mean cheesesteak! I really want to say that she uses some kind of sauce to cook the meat in for flavor, maybe some sort of garlic pepper sauce. Maybe not, I could be wrong, but either way this thing was awesome. The bread was oh so soft and slightly steamed from the hot air emanating from the meaty goodness. The cheese was just right, enough to spread out into the meat, but not too much as to leave a steamy cheese pile.

I left my table feeling extremely full, which to me is unusual for a one item meal. I was very happy with my purchase, and the extra meat was an excellent idea. Not to say that that the standard size isn't filling, but if you are on empty like I was, the double size will fit perfectly into your food cavity. Overall, I give this meal a 5/5.0. It was so efficient and delicious that I really can't find much to complain about. It was a little more than I'd like to spend, but I was a little more hungry than I'd like to be. I highly recommend this cheesesteak to anyone who wants a good meal and doesn't want to sell a kidney to get one. Personally, with my budget I would take this over a South Philly steak any day.

And just like Gus, the mascot for the Pennsylvania State Lottery says, "Keep on eatin'!"

tl;dr
-Great meat flavor
-Great execution of cheese delivery
-Great bread
-Double meat; very filling
-$6.00
-5/5.0

Welcome!

Hi and and thanks for stopping by. I am the Philly Glutton and I love food. My stomach does not discriminate and welcomes all kinds of foods (except tomatoes) at every hour of the day. This can be troublesome as I am a college student and funds are hard to come by. Nonetheless, I still manage to find ways to eat, and by eat I mean eat like a horse. I am surprised to this day that I am not some 300+ odd pounds because of my habits!

Eating cheap has its downsides, but it provides a means to find hidden gems that other "money-gifted" types may not recognize. Some would say cheap food usually isn't the best for you in terms health, but where I come from, health is a measure of one's well being. If I'm eating a greasy slab of pizza with all the fixins', then I'm feeling pretty damn good!

Some of my favorite foods that I hope to review here include but are not limited to:
-All things buffalo style
-Lunch truck fare
-Dingy "college pizza" type foods
-Particularly delicious fast foods
-Anything else I want to eat

I'd like to rate my foods maybe out of five, include a good description and some pictures, the price point, and of course my thoughts and opinions of the meal. Times are busy now, but I'll try and update regularly.

And now for my final thought. No restaurant out there is safe, I assure you I am coming for your nasty delicacies.